#worst sidekick

[greene-forrest-aura]

And I stand by that

[dukeofthomas]

I will forever maintain that Jason would've been fine and Not a vigilante without Bruce making him Robin

[shatterdome-underscore]

Gonna put out there that I think Scam and Jodie got divorced and somehow both lost the magic custody battle that erased them both as dads which is how Hermie ended up with his human family

[fishlings]

best writing decisions ever:

-pairing fluttershy and discord together

-pairing starlight and trixie together

[navree]

it's fodder for excellent drama but let's admit it, hush and war games and identity crisis and under the red hood all happening in relatively close succession is insanely funny. just bruce speedrunning the worst fucking 365 days of his life. they should release a compilation book of all four and just title it 'batman and the terrible horrible no good very bad year'

[unlockthestars]

Soft action prompts // Accepting

@vanilleneo asked: [ EXPLORE ] sender sits in receiver’s lap and wanders their fingers across their face. (for Roman)

Roman was lost in thought, tapping Melodic Cudgel against the floor, keeping time with the pace of his thoughts. There was a lot more going on than just the theft of Dust. And while he was very good at his job, he wasn't certain how much longer he wanted to keep doing it if it wasn't just for him and Neo.

It might be time for them to get the hell out of Dodge while they still could, to just…..leave. Of course, there was the problem of the fact that the big boss behind Cinder was kind of a force of nature all on her own, and if she wanted to hunt them down….., well, there wasn't really anywhere they could go that would be far enough.

Apparently, though, Neo had been trying to get his attention for a little while now as she deposited herself in his lap with a silent little huff. Usually, he paid much more attention; he was able to tell when she wanted him to pay attention to her, more often than not, but today…., well, he'd been lost in his own head.

Her hands lift to his face, and he offers her a little smile, leaning into her touch. Fingers trace across his cheeks, over his lips, and he kisses each digit as it wanders over his mouth.

"Okay, okay, you've got my attention," he said with a little laugh, pulling her further into his lap. But now that she had his attention, he didn't want her to stop.

[bruciemilf]

It’s always “evil Superman!!!!” this, or “villain justice league!!!” that.

I want an AU of villain! Bruce who’s absolutely dog-shit at being evil.

Firstly: The worst thing he can think of doing is not donating to animal shelters or charities . immediately feels so guilty he throws up.

Secondly: The second a child cries because of him, he’d freeze up. Stand like a statue, unmoving and petrified. No more evil, but just today.

He ends up helping the city by accident more often than not, and to his immortal disappointment, Gotham loves both the Bat and Bruce Wayne.

“alfred come look at my evil plan”

“Yes, sir, “ Alfred is very indulgent. He does his best to pretend it’s actually good. “ ‘Don’t say please to the barista’. Getting bold, are we?”

EVERYTIME He and Clark meet and Bruce monologues about pulverizing him to dust, Clark (and the League) looks at him like this:

“I can make him worse,” GOOD FOR YOU!!! Clark can make him into his malewife and adopt his 7 evil sidekicks who actually know how to villain. Especially the little one.

[heather-chandlers-weirder-cousin]

you know I sometimes read about some of the Robin’s backstories and just go. ‘Okay. So the correct reaction in this situation is not to put this child in more armed conflicts.’

[chimaericalanimal]

This is not relevant to my last post or particularly relevant to the day's experience at all but why does it seem to be a common experience for boyish-looking women & butches etc that feminine women expect us to be fawning over them all the time & like, constantly suspecting us of secretly nursing crushes on them (even if we're just being nice) or whatever, while absolutely never taking our actual feelings seriously or even being nice to us at all

[amarachno]

Every time Bruce pisses one of his kids off, they dramatically proclaim something along the lines of, “I hate you! Im going to stay with mom!!!” and then run off.

The first time it happens, Bruce nearly pisses himself because he takes it as some sort of suicidal ideation thing. He tries to go after whichever kid started this, probably Dick, but is unable to find them for whatever reason. He decides to look as Batman. Bruce absolutely sick with worry.

Selina Kyle put his kid in a catsuit.

As time goes on, more of his kids pull this little stunt and Bruce is a little less concerned. Every so often Catwoman is seen with her sidekick ‘Stray’ but every time Stray is makes an appearance they have a wildly different gender, height, and body type. It always the same costume design but in different sizes

Even Cass participated once! Bruce just sighed deeply and looked vaguely regretful. The only one who hadnt made an appearance as Stray had been Damian. Bruce really couldnt imagine Damian running off to be Stray. The kid still had his birth mother so there was no reason to.. become… stray…

Damian shows up as Stray. Instead of his sibling’s preferred stolen objects as a trophy? Selina let him keep a cat. The worst part? The cat’s name is Selina.

Jason as stray

[milo-is-rambling]

Deep thoughts about rick and morty will forever be wormed into the middle of my brain

[luludeluluramblings]

Smalltown!Meta!Reader peeved about finally having a Bat family dinner after months of being left alone and feeling petty.

Smalltown!Meta!Reader pretending not to know about the family's nighttime activities: Why do Batman's sidekicks look like twinks? Do y'all think that's why he picks them?

Bruce choking.

Cassandra sighing because she knows Reader is trying to start shit. (Still doesn’t get up to leave cause this is probably gonna be fun to watch.)

Stephanie wheezing: Yₒᵤ ₜₕᵢₙₖ ₕₑ ₚᵢcₖₛ ₜₕₑₘ bₑcₐᵤₛₑ ₜₕₑy ₗₒₒₖ ₗᵢₖₑ ₜwᵢₙₖₛ?

Dick wanting to add fuel to the fire: You’re right! They do look like a bunch of twinks.

Tim getting PTSD flashbacks from all the times he’s been called a twink over the years.

Jason in denial: Red Hood is NOT a twink.

Smalltown!Meta!Reader: Not with that attitude. I will admit the current Robin doesn’t look like a twink though.

Smalltown!Meta!Reader looking directly at Damian: Isn’t the kid like ten or somethin’?

Damian a high schooler: He’s NOT A KID.

Barbara so fucking done: Just be grateful he’s not a considered a twink, Damian.

Duke trying to be subtle: Do you think the Signal is a twink too?

Smalltown!Meta!Reader: He is the best boy kinda twink.

Cue everyone protesting and fighting over which vigilante is the best (or worst twink)

Bruce : Calm down. This coversation-

Smalltown!Meta!Reader completely bullshiting everyone now: Do y'all think Batman wears that cowl because he's secretly a twink too?

Bruce:

Everyone: YES!

A/N: I've been losing it over Bruce as Nightwing and it inspired this. Could it have been better? Yes. But, it has been plaguing my mind and I needed to get it out.

A/N: I headcannon this as Reader's first Thanksgiving with the Bats.

[softfem-dom]

the four times they asked about his sidekick, and the one time he realized why. (pt.1)

worst!logan + d&w!deadpool x suicidal!reader

a/n : okay this is sad and emotion-driven asf, so if you're sensitive to suicide mentions or emotional trumoil and problems of self-worth please do not continue reading this. Also warning for suicide description for the other universes' sidekicks. first part out of five!

wc : 2k

TW FOR SUICIDE , TW FOR DEPRESSION , SOFT!WADE , SOFT!WORST!LOGAN , WADE BEING UNABLE TO LOOK AFTER A KID , HEAVY/MULTIPLE BATMAN AND JASON TODD REFERENCES , DEADPOOL VARIANTS FUSSING OVER READER. soft!worst logan . overprotective!deadpool . only-deadpool-still-with-sidekick!wade wilson

Think of Batman and Robin.

Yup. Now turn and twist it around some more and make it.. more chaotic, more unhinged. More morally questionable.

And then think of Deadpool. The merc with a mouth. The dude that chose a red suit just so he didn't have to bother about the red stains.

And then add up a teenager to the recipe. As chaotic as the man, maybe a bit naïver. And you've got Deadpool and his sidekick.

Because if all cool superheros had sidekicks, then Deadpool —albeit while not actively being a superhero. Had to have one too, didn't he?

And that's how you had ended up roped into all of his unethical adventures, killing off the bad guys that had the highest price above their head and helping Deadpool run the official Spideypool fanwebsite.

But, despite how many masks you put on, despite how many bad guys you killed, despite how many times you had saved someone. You were still just you.

A teenager. A teenager paired up with an older, unhinged, mercenary that ran his mouth way too much and that got you into way too much trouble.

A teenager paired up with an irresponsible adult without emotional responsability was the fucking equivalent of throwing a trained lab mouse inside the first maze that didn't have an exist.

Wade cared about you. Yeah, you knew that. But the problem was that you were a teenager and teenagers needed a certain amount of care to grow healthyly.

Because physically you were great, with how much running around and being-at-the-verge-of-death you did. But mentally? God, then you were the messiest mess in the planet.

Spending so much time with someone that had so many intrusive thoughts, that spilled his thoughts without filter, had rubbed off on you.

And sometimes you scared yourself when sudden thoughts popped up in your mind. Like the sudden pull in your legs anytime you walked near the edge of a roof, the "jump!" that flashed across your head. Or the way you wondered, asked yourself, what it would feel to be stabbed when you were cleaning Deadpool's katanas. Or the way you started to throw yourself at danger's way just for the thrill of it. And if you died, well, there went nothing.

It was wrong. It was bad. And it was a totally unhealthy and toxic vice. You knew you were self-destructive.

But you didn't know how to do doing anything about it.

You see, if Deadpool wasn't so reckless and careless maybe you would've told him. But since he did it, you grew into your late teens thinking it was okay.

,,

Lately, your thoughts had grew more dangerous. More specific. And you were starting to get scared of yourself. In movies, that was how villians started —with destructive thoughts. And you didn't want to become a villian.

What would Wade think of you? He'd be disappointed in you, hate your guts, despise you.

So your mind jumped to the quickest—and most self-destructive—conclussion. Offing yourself before that happened.

And you had nearly 10 pages of your pink diary written with ways of carrying on with that plan. Glitter gel pen words scribbled about the knifes in the house—their lengths and sharpness—, about the belts stacked away in Wade's closet, about the height of the fall from the balcony to the ground. You had everything planned.

And Wade hadn't caught onto anything of it, except for the fact you seemed more twitchy and on edge than usual. He tied it to the usual teenage anxiousness that came with your age.

He didn't know this was the last mission he was going to have you in.

,,

He had just brought you along on this 'adventure' just like he had did with all of the ones before, except in this one there was another.. —reluctant—companion.

Logan Howlett. The Wolverine.

And not the dead hero that Wade had unburied a few days before. No. This one was the worst variant of Wolverine in the whole multiverse, the one from the timeline where he killed all of the X-Men.

And that Howlett was smelling something coming.

He could smell the irony scent of blood whafting off of you, a bitter scent choking his airways. Your scent was way too bitter for how cheerful you were, except maybe you weren't.

This Logan had only barely known you for two days, but if something were to happen to you he'd kill the responsible, then find a way to kill the mercenary and then find a way to kill himself too.

But, first. Stop, pause, rewind. How this did even start?

,,

You groaned as you helped Wade drag the uncounscious body of the drunk Wolverine you had found in a random timeline —the only one in which the dude hadn't tried to kill you at first sight. Entering through the door-shaped orange portal to the TVA room.

"one anchor being coming right up!" Wade's voice rang through the air before the merc, fully dressed in his suit, had crossed the portal.

You let out a startled squeak when the antihero pretty much threw the uncounscious body of the Logan on the ground, wincing at the metallic sound of his skull against the floor.

"Wade!" you hissed. "c'mon pumpkin', don't sweat it. He's full metal, remember?" he said as he gave the drunk Logan a kick in the side, the metallic sound echoing his words.

"listen here, babygirl" the merc started, looking at the unimpressed man before him. "this Wolverine has the he-can-do-anything-even-musical-stuff look to him and bonus he's actually wearing the accurate comic costume. So, uh yeah, there, timeline saved"

The silence coming from the dude that had called Wade here in the first place didn't sound too good get it?. And as you sat there, poking the drunk man's face with your index finger while whispering for him to "wake up, Wolvie, rise and shine, wakey wakey?"

"I don't understand"

"You said my, our" he pointed at you "universe is dying because this nutsack died, well, problem solved" he now pointed at Logan.

"oh my god" Paradox breathed out. "you actually think you can replace an Anchor Being with this?"

Oh, great. A rant was comming. Like the ones your mother goes on when you mess up too many times.

"I wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine BT dubs. But you.. have outdone yourself and brought me the worst Wolverine in the whole multiverse!"

It looked as if the dude's temple vein was going to pop, and you weakly interveened. "what do you mean the worst one..?" you breathed out.

"This Wolverine let down his entire world, he's the stuff of Legend but not in a good way and what he did.. well, some things are just beyond forgiveness"

A beat of silence followed, you knew the Wolverine on the floor had been awake and listening for the whole time. But then, you saw Paradox finally looking at you.

"wait"

"what?"

"is that your little sidekick?"

The incredulous, and cruelly amused, tone of the man in uniform made Wade quirk an eyebrow under his mask.

"yeah, why?"

His words were followed by a booming laugh coming from Paradox. His hand going to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose, as chuckle after chuckle it just confused Wade and you even more.

"I can't believe you've still got her"

That was like a titty-flash for Wade, and not the good kind. He stood there, mouth gaping like a fish as he wildly and overexageredly gestured towards you.

"I gave you a chance at greatness, because my superiors deemed you special. But, I did my duty. I gave you the opportunity and you refused, so there's no more bussiness to do here"

And with that, and a strange remote control in his hand, he pressed a button and zapped you three off to somewhere. Leaving Wade with a strange taste lingering in his mouth.

Well, at least it seemed like your last adventure wasn't going to be boring.

(tags : @coocoocachewgotscrewed , @lokisloverisnthere , @krowsfoot , @lizziegraysworld , @r0reep , @beelzel-brat ).

[pyrocortex]

Well, giving Catwoman a kid sidekick is a pretty fun thing to do. The problem is that there's already a bunch of good candidates for the role in Selina's own supporting cast that stealing one of the Robins to be said sidekick is pretty gauche.

im gonna be so honest i do not understand the appeal of stray AUs

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Linking this cause its a god damn mood when it comes to looking at how Winx treated Roxy in seasons after 4. 

[unlockthestars]

Right to horny jail // Accepting

@vanilleneo asked: “i promise i’ll be good.” [for roman] (a promise she will not keep)

Neo delighted in teasing Roman. And not only that, she was very good at it, doing and saying (he can read her well enough by now, that words aren't what matters) just the right things to get him all hot and bothered.

He'd been working on recalibrating Melodic Cudgel's sights when she first started, and despite the fact that his eyes followed her, he attempted to continue his work. For a little while, at least. Until Neo really ramped up her teasing and he couldn't exactly ignore her.

Roman put the cane back in its place and quickly strode across the room to where Neo was standing, smirk on her face. He bent to press a hard, rushed kiss to her lips, his arms wrapped around her, so that she could feel the full results of what she was doing to him.

She gazed up at him, even as she promised to be good, and Roman couldn't help the laugh that left him as he shook his head.

"We both know that's not true," he grinned, pulling her into his arms even as she wrapped her legs around his waist. "So why don't we put those skills of yours to good use." She was remarkably flexible, after all, and they'd taken advantage of that before. Seemed like they were about to do so again.